Healthy Boundaries
Personal boundaries consist of the limitations we have and rules that we may have for ourselves in each of our relationships. Our boundaries tend to lie on a spectrum, and they can differ from one relationship to another.
Not sure what kind of boundaries you hold with your family, friends, partner, or colleagues?
Healthy boundaries can look like feeling comfortable enough to say “no” when you want to, and being open to flexibility and change with your boundaries depending on the person and/or situation that you are in. You may also notice that if you have healthy boundaries, you are more open to closeness and intimacy in your relationships. If you have healthy boundaries, you likely value and trust your own opinions and beliefs.
Some boundaries are considered porous or rigid. If you have porous boundaries, you likely have a harder time saying “no” to others and may be dependent on other people’s opinions and beliefs. If you have rigid boundaries, you likely do not ask for help often and may keep people at arm’s length to avoid the possibility of getting hurt or rejected.
Take a moment to notice what boundaries you might have in different situations and with different people in your life.
Maybe you have rigid boundaries at work with your colleagues and this feels appropriate Maybe you are noticing you have rigid boundaries in your dating life and this is not ideal for you or you would like to have healthier boundaries when it comes to your romantic life.
Jot down who you feel like you have appropriate boundaries with. Then, jot down the relationships or situations where you would like to show up differently in terms of your limitations and the rules you have set up for yourself.
If you’re noticing a sense of overwhelm with this exercise – know that this is normal! If you are interested in having more healthy boundaries with the folks in your life, it can be helpful to start small. Notice if you have anyone in your life currently who you can practice setting boundaries with. You may choose to start saying no to smaller things first, before making any big changes.
If you do not have someone you can practice boundary setting with, you can always start this on your own. You may choose to set an “out of office” reply to your work e-mail when you are taking time off or when you have logged off for the day. You may choose to block time from your schedule to go to the gym and decline any other invite for that chunk of time. You may choose to turn your phone on “do not disturb” in the evenings and turn the setting off in the morning.
If you struggle with setting and honouring your boundaries and would like support with this, you may choose to seek professional help from a psychotherapist.
